


Heartbreak

by Panic_boy_21



Category: Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Panic_boy_21/pseuds/Panic_boy_21
Summary: "You love me, right?""Of course I do.""No. As in, more than a friend. Do you love me in the way I love you?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [underscorepidge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/underscorepidge/gifts).



I looked into the camera as Luis took a picture of me hanging from the rafters again.

I wasn't really looking at the lens as much as through it, right at the beautiful boy behind it.

He walked away as I came down to finish the set. I walked off the stage as Sebastian and Emerson were throwing their picks, drumsticks, and flowers into the crowd, Em assuring everyone that we'd meet them in a few minutes.

I grabbed the bag I kept backstage and went to the bathroom, cleaning off my face with the cool water from the sink and fixing my makeup. Luis walked in, sighing the second he shut the door and realized it was quiet.

"You okay?"

He looked at me, leaning back against the door. He chuckled, "Yeah. I've got a headache from hell, but besides that I'm fine."

I laughed, "Yeah, me too. The difference is that you're allowed to wear earplugs."

"Yeah, that's true." He said walking over to the sink next to me. I couldn't help but look at him as he fixed his hair, tossled from running all over the venue to get good shots.

He put his hands on the edge of the counter and sighed.

"Hey, this might help." I said, taking out a bottle of painkillers. I handed two to him and took some myself.

We swallowed them down with handfuls of water fron the sinks, laughing at the water dripping down each others chins afterwards.

"Come on, the Council is waiting." Luis said, walking to the door.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute. Just let me finish up." I told him, gesturing to my face.

"I think you look fine," he shrugged, "but suit yourself."

He walked out the door and left me staring for a minute.

"Get a hold of yourself, Remington." I told myself out loud. I finished up my eyeliner and went to the signing.

After a few hours of signing shirts and posters, as well as taking photos, we finally got to go back to the bus.

"I'm going to my bunk." Emerson said the second he got on the bus.

"Night Em." Sebastian said, dropping himself on the couch.

I sat on my bunk as Em pulled himself up into the one above me, closing the curtain.

We stayed up for a little bit, joking around and filming a bit of Royal Television, Em poking his head out every once in a while telling us to keep it down.

Actually, he said "shut the fuck up," but same difference.

We started really geting tired around 2 a.m.

"I'm going to bed." Daniel stated, yawning.

There were a few murmurs of agreement and everyone went to their bunks. One look at their faces and you could see the exhaustion.

Judging by the sounds that followed almost everyone fell asleep fairly quickly, exception of the faint sounds of keys tapping from Luis' bunk and the occasional crinkle of paper from Emerson. Niether of them would sleep for a while.

I grabbed the pajamas I set out before the show and walked to the bathroom. I wiped off as much eyeshadow as I could. There were still a few smudges of it, but it wasn't that bad.

I was walking back to my bunk when I started coughing. It was so bad I collapsed against the bunks for a second. I felt something come up and put my hand to my mouth.

The coughing stopped and I pulled my hand away eyes wide.

The curtain of Emerson's bunk was pulled back, and he stuck his head out to look at me.

"Are you okay? That sounded unpleasant."

"Yeah. Probably just coming down with something again. I'll be fine."

He seemed pleased with my answer and closed his curtain, going back to... whatever he was doing.

I crawled back into my bunk, closing the curtain and turning on the little light I had.

I opened my fist and looked at the little red petals that had come from my throat.

 


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a little over two weeks since I first found out I had hanahaki. I knew exactly who it was for. While the flowers hurt, it was nothing compared to the pain of knowing what it meant.

Luis didn't love me. At least, not in the way I loved him. He didn't love me, and I was literally dying for him.

I knew there was a surgery to get rid of it, but I had already decided not to get it. I would rather die loving him than not love him at all.

Hiding it was hard on a bus with little to no privacy, and I've had too many close calls on stage. Thank god for the large amount of flowers Emerson keeps on stage, I can just drop a few loose petals near his drums and no one thinks anything of it.

I sat on my bunk, curtain closed under the guise of taking a nap before the show tonight, holding the product of my latest fit.

It started with a few petals, now there were full flowers in my hand.

Red anemones. Symbolizing sickness, death, forsaken and undying love. Pretty ironic in my personal opinion.

I saw someone start to pull the curtain back and threw the blooms under my pillow. Austin peeked in and looked at me.

"You alrght?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He shrugged. "Just wondering. We're at the venue, and the others are going inside, so you might want to get up soon."

"Yeah. Sure, I'll be in soon."

He nodded and left the bus, leaving me to get my shit together.

I walked to the bathroom to freshen up a bit and jumped at my own reflection.

I was way paler than usual, and there were dark circles under my eyes. There was no way to hide this from the Council tonight. They notice this kind of thing.

I got dressed, not really caring about hair and makeup right now, I could do that inside. I grabbed my bag and walked off the bus.

To get into the venue, I had to walk past the fans that arrived early. I stood up straight and smiled at them, now regreting not putting makeup on before facing them. If anyone noticed how bad I looked, they didn't say anything in front of me.

I made it halfway to the door when a coughing fit brought me down. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a few girls jump over the barrier and run to me, while everyone else started screaming for my brothers. They were pounding on the doors while the girls around me were trying to find out what had happened. One girl sat down and put my head in her lap, running her hand through my hair. Normally I wouldn't allow that, but it was justified and was keeping me calm, so I didn't mind it just this once.

After a few minutes, Sebastian came outside looking confused. The fans parted like the red sea, giving him a clear path to where I was. The few fans that were making sure I was okay jumped up, exception of the girl that had my head in her lap.

His expression immediately turned to panic when he saw what was happening. He ran over and took me from her, easily lifting me up. He thanked her and started walking back inside.

"Is he going to be okay?" A fan near the door asked.

Seb looked at him, than to me. "Yeah. Yeah, he'll be okay."

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer. But I've know him long enough to catch the uncertainty lacing his voice.

He took me inside and brought me to a room backstage, lying me on a couch.

"Are you okay?" He asked, placing a hand on my forehead.

"Ye- yeah." I said. Voice barely above a horse whisper.

He sighed, "We just heard a bunch of noise from outside, and when I went to check, I find fans freaking out with you on the ground, drenched in sweat and shaking. I hope you know I'm not going to take this 'just a cold' bullshit anymore. Neither are the others."

I nodded, not entirely sure how to respond.

"Say something, would you?"

"Seb..."

"What?"

"I think- I think I'm going to throw up."

"Shit, um... Okay." He ran off for a second and came back with a bucket. "Here. Don't miss, please."

I grabbed the bucket and the room filled with the sounds of choking and retching. This seemed to be enough to draw attention from the rest of the building, as Emerson opened the door, followed by Dan, Luis, and Austin.

"There you are! What happened out... side." Emerson trailed off at the end, apparently noticing me.

"I'll tell you later. Did you finish setting up?"

"Almost. I've got two more boxes of shirts to get." Austin chimed in.

"Go finish that. We'll be out in a bit." Seb basically ordered.

Dan, Luis, and Austin left immediately, Em waiting a minute before walking away.

I finally stopped emptying the contents of my stomach into the bucket, leaving me coughing hard.

When I finally leaned back to catch my breath, Seb took the bucket, handing me a bottle of water.

"Small sips." He reminded me. "You don't want to throw up again."

"Yes mom." I sassed, after taking a sip.

"Mom would tell you the same thing and you know it." He said, standing up and walking away with the bucket.

I chuckled and took another drink.

"Remington, what is this?"

I turned to look at him, and I forgot to breath for a second.

I don't think I've ever seen a more serious look on his face, and he was clutching a little red flower.

"It's a flower, Sebastian. It probably fell off one of Emerson's bouquets. Why are you asking me?"

"Because I found it in that bucket. It hasn't been anywhere near Em's flowers."

I turned away from him, my eyes stinging. I felt the couch dip as he sat next to me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close as I cried into his chest.

"Who's it for?" He asked after a minute.

I took a shaky breath. "Luis."

He sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I sniffed, "I didn't want to worry you."

"Rem, I'm your older brother. It's my job to worry about you. And you becoming this ill out of nowhere worried all of us to no end."

I wimpered, burying my face into his suit jacket even more. "I'm sorry."

"Hey. Hey, look at me." He said, pushing me up slightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. After all," he reached into his pocket and pulled out three yellow petals, "I haven't been completely honest with you either."

I gasped, looking at the small, delicate death omen.

"Daniel..."

He looked down, "Yeah. Is it that obvious?"

I pulled him in for another hug, and we sat there in silence for what felt like hours, but I didn't mind.

"How long have you had it?" I asked him, not entirely sure I wanted to know.

"Four days. You?"

"Two weeks." His grip on me tightened hearing that.

"Does Em know yet?"

I sighed, "No."

"Wow, for once I know something about you before he does." Sebastian joked.

I laughed a bit before the mood became somber again. "I'm scared to tell him. The more people know, the more real it becomes."

"I know Rem. We'll tell him together, alright?"

"Yeah, tell Emerson Barrett Kropp that both his brothers are dying at the same time. This is going to break him, Seb."

"I know, but at least he'll know what's happening." Seb whispered. "Better he finds out now before it's too late."

I nodded, sniffling, "And Dan and Luis?"

"We tell them too. We do it after the show."

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

All things considered, the show went great. Neither of us choked up flowers, no one asked many questions, the set and meet and greet went as normal.

I did notice that everyone kept shooting me worried looks, and I kept an extra eye on Sebastian to make sure he didn't have an episode like I did. The fans from earlier asked if I was okay, me reassuring them that I was, not wanting to tell them yet.

Emerson refused to look away from me the whole night. I couldn't look him in the eyes. Not with what I was about to tell him.

Every step I took towards the bus afterwards made it feel further and further away. I was the last one to get on, so I know as soon as I got on, I'd have to tell them. I just didn't know how I'd face them afterwards.

I finally opened the door, stepping onto the brightly lit bus. It was quiet, which was odd this time of night. There were a few whispers among the group, silenced when I stepped on. Emerson was at the table, staring down Sebastian who was sitting silently on the couch.

I sat down next to him, squeezing his hand for reassurance.

"Luis, turn off the camera."

"Why?"

"Please, just.." I took a breath, my voice not much louder than a whisper at the end. "Turn it off."

He pressed a button and the little light turned off as he set the camera down on the table.

"Is this about what happened earlier?" Austin asked from where he was sitting on the counter.

I nodded, giving Sebastians hand another squeeze to combat the anxiety.

"I-" Now that I was sitting here in front of them, the words weren't coming. I felt the tears welling up, and at this point I wouldn't be surprised if they were able to guess what was happening.

Sebastian leaned over to me, "You want me to tell them?"

I nodded. There was obviously no way I would be able to.

"He- ," he started, before sighing, "we haven't been completely honest with you." I saw him reach into his pocket and pull out a handful of yellow petals, as well as a full daffodil. I followed his lead and pulled a handful of little red flowers out of my pocket.

I heard small gasps as the peices clicked in their heads, as well as a quiet "no" from Austin. I kept my head down, not looking any of them in the eyes.

"Em?" Sebastian spoke up. I looked up to see Emerson staring at us with a blank expression, but there was hurt behind his eyes. He stood up silently and walked into the hallway.

"Emerson?" Sebastian asked. The youngest acted as if he didn't hear us, quickly pulling himself into his bunk and closing the curtain.

I felt the tears stream down my cheeks as the bus went completely silent, no one really knowing how to react.

This was quickly ended as Sebastian started to cough. They were heavy and rough and shook his whole body. I saw the others flinch and look on with sympathy. A few of them even closed their eyes when he pulled his hand away from his mouth and showed the flowers that had come up and it dawned on them that this was actually happening, that we were actually dying. And as far as they knew, there was nothing they could do to help us.

Luis was the first to speak up, "Who are they?"

"Daniel." Sebastian stated weakly, his voice cracking.

Dan's jaw dropped at that, and I'm fairly certain he went through the five stages of grief right then and there.

"And Rem? What about you?" Austin inquired as I wrapped my arms around Seb, stopping him from falling if the couch as he caught his breath.

"Lu- Luis." I choked out, trying not to cry again, and not looking away from my brother as I rubbed his back with one hand and kept him steady with the other.

"You want to lie down?"

He nodded slightly. I helped him stand up and get into bed, deciding to retreat to my own as well.

"Rem, hold on." Luis said as I was crawling into my bunk.

"Please, not right now." My voice was barely above a whisper. I just wanted to forget about this whole day. "We'll talk about this tomorrow."

I shut the curtain and heard Luis walk away. I hugged my pillow to my chest and let the tears fall freely as I drifted off into a restless nights sleep.

 


End file.
